Happy 1st Birthday, Kate

Dear Kate,

As I rocked you to sleep tonight, listening to ‘Carol of the Bells’, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the flashbacks… 365 days ago I held you tight in my arms in a dark hospital room singing Christmas songs to you as I rocked you to sleep just a few hours after you were born. You fit so snuggly in my arms… such a tiny little munchkin. You were already trying to suck your thumb as you gazed up at me and I already knew you were going to march to the beat of your own little drum. And here we are, 1 year later. I still love to snuggle you, but you sure don’t fit in one arm anymore. As I hold you with both my arms, your arms and legs dangle, you are able to lay your head on my shoulder as you sit on my lap.

Has it really been a year?!

It really has been… and what a fun year it has been. I love being your mom. I love snuggling you and playing with you and watching you grow and learn new things.

You are such a happy, content, joy-filled baby. You are full of smiles and giggles and hugs and kisses. Those smiles truly melt my heart.

Your face lights up when you see a loved one. You are not afraid of new people – you are definitely going to be my most outgoing child!

From the very beginning, you have been eager to be bigger than you need to be. I suppose you just want to keep up with your big sisters. I learned early on that I wasn’t going to be able to stop you from trying to be a big girl, so I’m choosing to sit back and watch you go…and you are giving me a very entertaining show!

You love to play with baby dolls. I think you were probably about 6 months old the first time you picked up a baby doll and just absolutely loved on her. You instinctively knew how to cradle her and rock her. You have since moved on to feeding your babies and bathing them and playing with them. If I was a betting woman, I’d bet you are going to be a great mom!!

You are learning to walk… you are actually pretty decent at it, but for now you are still choosing to crawl most of the time because it is so much faster.

I have loved experiencing so many ‘firsts’ with you this year… first smile, first giggles, first time you reached for me, first time you said ‘mama’ and meant it, first time you crawled, first steps, you even managed to eek in your first tooth before this very first birthday!

Kate, the day you were born all I could do is look at you and marvel at how perfect you were. 1 year later, the post-delivery hormones have long since worn off and I still consider you so, so perfect! 2013 has been a wonderful  year, made so much more perfect because you were here with us… a perfect addition to this crazy family.

I can’t wait to spend your second year with you!!

Love you,

Mommy

Kate Elizabeth - 1 hour

Kate Elizabeth - 1 year

Heard Around the House {November Edition}

• "Um, yeah, but I wish our minivan had a bow on top of it!" -Jada; hmmm... a 'Minnie-van', perhaps?
• "Really, Daddy? Really?!! You're watching football again??" -Eden; yep, it's a Sunday afternoon.
• "Eden! I have a great idea. Your pretend name can be Katy and mine can be Perry!" -Jada; that girl loves her some Katy Perry. [Mother hangs her head in shame. This is my fault.]
• "If I have a lot of kids when I grow up, I will just sell some of them." -Eden; a variation of this comes up every time we talk about adoption. Try as I may, I apparently am not doing a great job explaining what adoption is.
• "I was just gonna say, if I stay out here a little longer.... we could snuggle!!! ....just sayin'..." -Jada; after I told her repeatedly she needed to go back to bed - she has a bad habit of sneaking back out after Eden falls asleep. Honestly, she almost got me with that snuggle offer... you should have heard how sweet she made it sound.

2 shoes, tied.

Sunday, November 24, 2013, this happened.

Another step toward independence.

just a sec.

There are words and phrases in my kids' vocabularies that I wish weren't there. Things that make me shudder when I hear them. Usually, they aren't bad things. They are just things that don't sound right when my kids say them. Most times, they have no idea what they are saying, but even so, it sometimes makes them sound disrespectful. I never like hearing them say these things, but i especially don't like hearing them when I know exactly where they heard them first.... from me.
The most recent addition to this list of "things I wish my kids wouldn't say" is "just a sec", and it is being perfected by my dear Eden.
"Eden, I have a question for you." "Just a sec!"
"Can you please come here?" "Just a sec."
"I need your help, Eden." "Just a sec."
"It's bed time." "Just a sec!"
"Please put your coat on." "Just a sec."
Everything. Everything I say to her is responded to with 'just a sec.' And I am irritated. I was really getting on her about not being so disrespectful and wanting her to listen and obey. And I can honestly say that at first I had no idea where this phrase came from, why she felt it was an acceptable response to absolutely everything that was said to her. Then it hit me.... me. I'm always busy. Always doing something else. Always in the middle of something. Always wanting to make time, but always 'just a sec-ing'.
So I've been trying really hard these past couple weeks to not use that phrase (although, who am I kidding, I'm just replacing it with other terms that mean the exact. same. thing.)
Then, tonight:

Me: "Eden, can you come here, please?"
Eden: "Just a sec!"
Me: [irritated, making mental notes about how I can work with her to stop saying that all the time]
Jada, from another room, seconds later: "Mommy, will you come here?"
Me: "Just a sec!"

Honestly? I really just wish I hadn't noticed I said it. Because it's so much easier to work on other people's issues. Grr.....

Heard around the House {October Edition}

• "What is that smell? Did an Amish girl use to take ballet?" -Eden; the wonderful aromas of farm country were filling the air outside the ballet studio.
• "Sick and tired." -Jada; her response when Eden asked her how her butterfly picture looked. 
• "Mommy, in Sunday school we are learning about Honor. That was not showing honor." -Eden; her response to the 'sick and tired' comment.

The Crayon Factory

Saturday morning, the girls were watching cartoons while we were getting ready to leave. I came out to the living room just in time to catch the ending credits of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. Yes, I was a little bummed that I missed it... that is seriously one of my favorite cartoons!
I asked Eden what Daniel talked about today. She very excitedly tells me, "He got to see how crayons were made!!"
We continued our conversation, but inside I was giddy with nostalgia. I vividly remember when Mr. Rogers took us to the crayon factory to show us how crayons were made.... and I loved that 'field trip'!!
I might just have to head to pbs.com to check out that episode... don't judge.

Thanks, Daniel, for donning your sweater and talking to my kids! :)

Happy Birthday, Jada

Dear Jada,

What a year this has been for you! As I look back over the past 12 months, I’m very proud of the way you have overcome what life has thrown your way. You started the year as the baby of the family and ended it as a middle child. I wish I could say this transition was seamless, but it wasn’t. We had our ups and downs, and you proved to me that "middle child problems" aren't just something the middle children make up, they are real and they are tough… but in the end you have proven to be an even stronger little girl than you were before! You’ve mastered the role of big sister – that can be proven by the big smiles you get from Kate every time you enter a room. You get more hugs and kisses from her than anyone else does in this family! And an even bigger challenge for you in the past year was sending your big sister off to Kindergarten. For the first time in your life, you have had to face your days without Eden by your side. That was so hard for you, and it has taken several weeks for you to adjust to your “new” daytime. But you are loving it now. You still miss Eden when she is gone, but you are also having a great time with Kate while she is at school. The coolest part about this change is that you and Eden miss each other so much during the day that it makes the time you get to spend with each other in the evenings so much more meaningful… and that shows in the way you play with each other and talk with each other.

If I were asked to describe you using just one word, I would choose PASSIONATE. Your passion shows in your strong-willed, independent nature. Passion drives you to do things right and to do them yourself, the way YOU want to do them…. not how someone else tells you to do them. Passion also shows in the way you care for other people. You care deeply for others and you want the best for them. You make your feelings and opinions known (well known!), but in the end, if you are given ample opportunity to process everyone’s feelings and opinions, you will put others’ above your own.

Your love for music has been taken to a new level. In fact,when you grow up, you want to be a rockstar! It is fun to see you dance to music and to recognize and sing along with songs you know or have heard before.

Your favorite person outside of our family is Olivia. Nearly everything you do can be related back to Olivia: “I’m crazy just like Olivia.” “My hair looks like Olivia.” “I can run faster than Olivia.” “I miss Olivia.” “Is Olivia going to be there?” “Eden let’s play. My name is Olivia. Who are you going to be?”  (I don’t blame you, Olivia is pretty fun!)

You love to play pretend. You will pretend ANYTHING! And I love your imagination…it takes you places I have never even dreamed of going!

You are a big helper and often offer to help me do chores around the house. You always refer to yourself as Cinderella when you are doing these things. It kind of makes me feel bad, until I realize you are the one that offered to help and YOU are then one calling yourself Cinderella and you are loving what you are doing. So, keep it up, Cinderella!

Jada, I can’t believe you are 4. You are an awesome little girl and I love to watch you grow and change and learn. I miss you being my baby, but you are an amazing girl and I can’t wait to see the new changes life will bring your way in the next year. Take it on with the same determination you have shown up to this point. Your strength and attitude passion will serve you well as you grow. But don’t forget to sprinkle it all with grace, patience, and compassion!

Love you, sweet Jada! Happy Birthday!!

Love,

Mommy

This is my favorite emergency.

I went downstairs to do some laundry. I left Jada and Kate upstairs and closed the gate behind me. After about 2 minutes the following happens...
Jada: "Mommy! Mommy!
Me: "Coming, J."
J: "Mommy, please come now! I need you to open this and let me down now!!"
M: [now a bit concerned, running to the stairs] "What is it, babe?"
J: "I need to tell you something."
M: "Tell me, what is it??"
J: [whispering] "I love you sooo much. And I will always be your hun."

(Seriously, I'm tearing up just writing about it!! I love that kid!)

{Heard Around the House} September Edition

• "I saved the day!" -Eden; she stopped Kate from crawling off the couch.
• "There are too many great shoes to choose from!" -Eden; sitting in her closet in a puddle of tears, trying to figure out which shoes to wear. And, it starts....
• "2 plus 3 is 5!" -Jada; not quite sure where she learned this, but it made her mama proud! 
• "I want a new house. I'm tired of this one." -Jada; yes, she was talking about our real house... the one we live in.
• "Holla!!" -Kate
• "One time, when I was home with daddy, I pooped and it made a crack in my butt." -Jada; not sure if she came up with this on her own or if it's an idea that Daddy gave her...

my kids..... i love them....

Kate Elizabeth - 9 months old

Eden Elaine - 5 years

Jada Elyse - 4 years

She really is this sweet (when she's not being mischevious!)

This one is getting too old, too fast!

This face doesn't even come close to expressing how upset she was about this photo shoot!!

Best Friends Forever...

{Heard around the House} August Edition

• "Miss Wanda used to be Amish, but she's human now." -Eden
• "But you definitely don't need to tell me about the starving children!" - Eden; she was whining because she was hungry, I told her she would make it the next couple minutes until dinner was served, she came back with this. sounds like i've gotten my point across...
• "he's got skillz..." -Jada; referring to Naaman, when she was telling me what they learned in Sunday School. Thanks, Tiff! ;-)
• "Ladies and gentlemen! I'm proud to introduce... ME!!" -Jada; maybe someday she won't be so modest.

Kindergarten, Here I Come!

That smile has been plastered on her face all week. I think this kid was made for school.

the red elevator.

a few weeks ago, i was having a conversation with eden and she made a reference to something that i had no idea she knew anything about. it wasn't a big deal, really, but i just wasn't sure if someone had told her about it or if her little head just figured it out on her own.
so i asked her how she knew that...
"you told me, mommy. a long time ago."
figures. that kid's mind is like a steel trap!  she remembers everything!! so, i just mentioned that to her. i said, "eden, you remember everything, don't you?"
"yeah, mommy, i do. i remember everything you tell me. i just keep it all in my brain and then if i need to say it again, i just send my little elevator up to my brain to get it and then the elevator brings it down to my mouth. then, after i'm done with it, the elevator takes it back up to my brain!"
brilliant. i've always loved the way her mind seems to work, but now that i know about the elevator, she intrigues me even more!!
but, i couldn't just leave it at that... i needed to know how 'real' this elevator was.
"what color is your elevator, eden?"
without missing a beat:
"red."

{heard around the house} July Edition

• "Maybe Cinderella 'hey, mommy'd' too much." -Eden; when I told her I was going to put her to work if she continued to 'hey, mommy' me.
• "Neat!" -Jada; I know, it's just a word, but it sounded hilarious
• "Why does your belly look like that?" " Like what?" "Fat." -Eden; ugh. Brutal honesty. 
• "God is the boss of his plans" -Jada; yes, dear, and he is also the boss of ours!
• "Now that there is a true story!" -Eden; what??!
• "Here's my number, so call me matey." -Jada; Call Me Maybe: Pirate Edition
• "I'm really a struggling child today." -Eden; truly, nothing was going her way.

poop happens

Poop happens.
I suppose that means different things to different people at different times of life.
Can i tell you what it means to me today?
It means that holding and loving on my baby caused a wardrobe change right before it was time to leave for work. Pants AND shirt. And belt.
It means staring at said baby for 5 minutes trying to determine the correct 'approach' at cleaning her up.
It means that once i figured out which angle to take, she happily munched on a wipe (I'm just going to assume it was one of the clean ones) while simultaneously trying her hardest to stick her feet right into the middle of that ooey, gooey mess formerly known as a diaper.
It also means a feeling of great satisfaction once i actually completed the clean up process without the aid of a haz-mat suit (which, by the way, i think the hospital should provide post-delivery).
You know what else it means? She did it again when i picked her up after work.
I love being a mom, but sometimes poop happens.

I did. I do. I will.

10 years ago, I said I do to my best friend. I committed to spending the rest of my life with him. As long as we both shall live.

That was 3,653 days ago. We have not liked each other every one of those days (especially day 3…. Whew! That was a rough one!), but I can honestly say, as cliché as it may sound, I have loved that man with all my heart every single one of those days. And it’s true… I love him so much more today that I did the day I said ‘I will’.

10 years ago, it was just him and I taking on the world together. I think we really thought we knew it all! I am proud to say now, that we will never know it all… and that’s quite alright…. but, man, have we learned a lot together!! Marriage is hard work and I can’t think of a better person to be in the trenches with, working through it one step at a time.

I am grateful for a husband that will laugh with me. And at me. Because, let’s face it, if you can’t find it in yourself to laugh, there is a whole lot of stuff in life that will make you cry!

For better or worse      
        We’ve experienced great… but I have no doubt that there is even better ahead of us. We’ve gone through bad, but I’m sure we’ll see worse.

For richer or for poorer

                We started dirt poor. We still feel poor. But we recognize that we are rich beyond measure.

               

In sickness and in health

                I never knew what ‘sick’ could truly mean, but I’m blessed to have a husband that stuck by me right through it. And that really helps us appreciate the ‘healthy’.

To love and to cherish
        cher·ish  [cher-ish]  verb (used with object)
1. to hold or treat as dear; feel love for

2. to care for tenderly; nurture

3. to cling fondly or inveterately to

As long as we both shall live

                Yep. I often joke with him, when he does something I find a bit, um, jerkish, that it’s not that easy to get rid of me. Because I’m sticking around FOREVER.

From this....

To this....

.....I can't wait to see what the next 10 years hold.....

...one sweet day at a time...

spelling bee.

I think most parents speak in code around their children when they don't want all the details of their conversation spilled to little ears.... whether that means we use secret words, speak with our eyes, or in this specific case, we spell out the key words:
So, my mom and I were talking about taking the girls to the zoo. But it's been super hot, and this mama wasn't about to take 3 little girls to the zoo in 90 degree heat. So, we decided we'd wait until that day before we decided if we would go or not. That way, if we did go it would be a surprise, if we didn't there would be no disappointment.
I was telling my hubby about these plans so he would be in-the-know, but Eden was nearby. So, I just told him my mom and I may take the girls to the Z-O-O tomorrow.
That little girl didn't miss a beat. "Z-O-O. That spells zoo!"
ugh.... secrets out.
I forget that she's learning to read. And with reading, comes spelling. Who knew??!
"Mommy, I'll tell you how I knew what that spelled. Because it's in my Kindergarten book! [gets book] See... right there... Z-O-O. They are going to the zoo. That spells zoo."

Sometimes.

Sometimes parenting is exhausting.

Sometimes discipline is hard.

Sometimes you wonder if the work is even worth it.

Sometimes you wonder if anyone even hears you.

Sometimes it seems that all your attempts are wasted.

Sometimes your attempts to raise responsible, respectful little humans seem futile.

Sometimes you feel like all you do is yell.

Sometimes it seems as though the only word you say is no.

(Sometimes it seems as though the only word your kids say is no!)

Sometimes you just wish for one day to go…. smoothly.

Sometimes you wonder when the last time was that you actually just relaxed.

But….

Sometimes it’s fun.

Sometimes you laugh more than you cry.

Sometimes you see a glimmer of hope.

Sometimes you hear a ‘please’ or a ‘thank you’. Or, even better, an ‘I’m sorry’ or an ‘I forgive you’.

Sometimes you get hugs and kisses.

Sometimes you see the results of your faithful training.

Sometimes your cranky 3-year-old comes to you at 10am and voluntarily tells you she is going to lay in bed until lunch time. Because even she knows that she needs a time out. And she comes out 30 minutes later as a completely different little lady.

Sometimes that’s all you need to keep plugging away, one day at a time, loving these little people with your whole being, knowing you are doing your best and nobody can ask anymore of you.

Sometimes I think this is more than I signed up for, but ALL THE TIME I know that I wouldn’t want it any other way!!

{heard around the house) June Edition

• "I'm just not fast. God just made some people that way." -Jada; she seriously is sooooo sloooowww.....
• "Can I spend the night? Because today is tomorrow." -Jada; I've heard these comments a lot recently, as she tries to figure out time relationships 
• "This is NOT making my day." -Eden; super pouty, because she didn't get the princess cup
• "Mommy, I almost called God 'Daddy'!!" -Jada; she laughed about it, she had no idea how much that 'mis-speak' swelled my heart
• "mmmmm....." -Kate; as she pulled her thumb out of her mouth and admired it. Must be tasty!
• "This IS the crazy house!" -Eden; when her daddy told her he was going to send her to the crazy house

Talk to text

Eden was having fun with the talk to text feature on my phone last night... Seriously, so many giggles. She's fun :)

{heard around the house} May Edition

• "Knock, knock, knock. Penny! Knock, knock, knock. Penny!" -Jada; ahhhh BBT
• "Mommy! We're helping Kate do somersaults!!" -Eden; note to self... the big girls are NOT ready to babysit. (no worries, Kate survived. And i removed her from the dangerous situation.)
• "This is the best lice treatment ever. Because we get to do it together!" -Jada; yeah, it's been a long 6 weeks around here. I'm about to burn down the house...i think that's the only way to  kill those bugs!
• "I'll huff and i'll puff and i'll blow your butt down!" -Jada; unprompted, in the middle of dinner.
• "No more monkeys humping in the bed." -Eden; I don't know what to say... She's her father's daughter??
• "I got skillz...." -Jada; because she used her hair tie to shut the light off. Serious skills.
• "Mommy, when will I be old enough to go to Haiti?" -Eden; I really can't wait to take her!
• "Thank you." -Kate; after I told her how beautiful she is.
• "Mommy, I need to go pee - I have a headache." -Jada

Baa, baa, black sheep

Baa baa black sheep,  happy any wool.
Yes, sir, yes, sir, 3 bags full.
One for my mister, one for my day, one for my little one who lives down the lane.
-Eden, 5 years old

my dollar is generally worth more than that.

so, i stopped at dollar general today to pick up a few things.
as i walked up to the register to check out, i noticed the cashier was talking on her phone. i also noticed that she noticed me walking towards her. because she made eye contact and followed me as i neared her.
she continued to talk as she started to ring me up. (side note: who ever came up with that term? "ring me up".  hmmm....)
it wasn't until she was almost done scanning my items that she 'attempted' (i use that term loosely) to get off the phone..... "well, i need to go. i've got people."
i've got people. i'm not sure why i expected something more professional from someone talking on her iphone while checking out a customer, but she could have at least respected me enough to refer to me as a customer.  you know.... "sorry to cut this short, but i am at work now and i have a customer waiting for my full, undivided attention."  (i know, i have high expectations)  .... i've got people.....
but, to make things worse, she wasn't serious. because she kept talking. as i swiped my card. and waited. and waited. and waited. for her. because she needed to push a button on her side of the counter. but, at least she was connecting socially about very important matters. it's not like i had anywhere to be.  i suppose i could have just made a few phone calls while i waited.
but, it's cool, i'm over it, because she apologized.  oh, wait... no she didn't. i'm pretty sure she didn't even say thank you.
i strongly considered calling the store later to inform the manager of my less-than-stellar customer service experience. then i realized the cold, hard facts. she probably IS the manager. hmpf.

{heard around the house} April Edition

• "Eden, can you please pause this story?" - Jada; Eden was reading to her... Jada needed to step away, but didn't want to miss anything.
• "Mommy, you can't tickle me. Only daddy can tickle me. Daddy is the best tickler in the whole wide world." -Jada 
• "No one can help us except God." -Eden; making her mama proud! 
• "You broke my heart when you made me stand in that corner." -Eden; well, sweet child, you broke my heart when you pushed your sister.
• "Oh, crap! We need money to fit in this party!!" -Jada; i really wish i had a good explanation for this one.....

be careful what you ask for.

today, i am blessed to be able to work my 4-hour shift from 12-4pm instead of 8am-12. i was very excited about this change in schedule for several reasons:
A. let's face it, i'm not a morning person. the idea of sleeping in, even if it's only for an extra hour, excites me.
B. quality time. i feel like time spent with my girls in the morning is much more 'quality' than in the afternoon. maybe i'm less distracted? i'm not sure....
C. my to-do list. i much more productive before work than i am after work. period.
last night when i went to bed, i knew it was going to be hard to force myself out of bed in the morning. so, i just said a little prayer asking the Lord to help me get up in the morning. i told him i really wanted to be able to enjoy the morning with my girls before i had to take them to the babysitter. and i also warned him that when my alarm came on in the morning, i wasn't going to hit 'snooze'..... i was going to turn it OFF!
guess how he answered that prayer.... not how i anticipated!! (of course)
the little babe woke up at 5:30, ready to face the day! yep, 5:30 AM. awake. not going back to sleep. for those of you who are curious, that is a full 30 minutes EARLIER than i usually wake up. so much for sleeping in. but, on the bright side, she was so happy. so, after a few minutes of trying to force sleep, i gave in and just enjoyed my baby. and boy did i enjoy her... for nearly 2 hours, just Kate and Mama.
when she fell asleep, the big girls were still sleeping, so i took a quick shower and decided i would do some cleaning when i got out. guess what i saw when i opened the shower curtain... the most beautiful little 3-year-old face in the whole wide world. awake. ready for her day to start. the 3-year-old that loves to start her day with cuddle-time on the couch. so to the couch we went. and i got to spend the next hour with Jada. Just Jada. my little girl that never, ever, ever gets alone time with her mama. my little girl that desperately needs alone time with her mama.
then, finally, at nearly 9am, we decided to wake up Eden... because we wanted PANCAKES!!
guess what... i'm not mad at all that i didn't get to sleep in. i'm so glad that i had to wake up earlier than i normally do. because God used that time to answer my simple prayer in a way that i could have never scheduled on my own. and i have more energy now than i would have if i would have slept until 9am.
Thank you, Lord, for hearing this weary mommy's prayer. Thank you for time spent with my 3 beautiful princesses.

understand her.

this is eden.

she is 5. she loves to sing and dance. her laugh is contagious! last month, she decided she would be a ballerina when she grows up. last week, she changed her mind - she would rather be an artist. yesterday she told me she wanted to be a nurse. today? today she thinks she will be a roller skating princess. she has big dreams and huge goals for her life. but she won't tell you about them. she won't tell you her favorite color. she won't tell you who her best friend is. in fact, she won't tell you anything.
is she shy?  well, yeah, kind of. but it's more than that. stubborn? some people think so, but no, that's not it.
for the past 3 years i've tried to pretend she was just shy. i've stood back and let people try to force her to talk (i've even joined in and done my fair share of forcing). i've done my best to contain the mama bear that wants to come out and tell people to back off my baby. it's not that she doesn't want to talk to you. she can't.
my daughter has a childhood anxiety disorder known as Selective Mutism (SM). she has not been diagnosed by a doctor (her doctor has never heard of it... he thinks she is shy and stubborn...). she has been diagnosed by her mother. me. because i used to be in her shoes. was i diagnosed by a doctor? no. but when i was in high school, i read an article about selective mutism and that 4 page magazine article changed me. as i read the words on those pages, i was reading about myself. everything that was described in that article - every sympton, emotion, stressor, etc. - was me!  i have to tell you, the words on those pages freed me in a way that nothing else ever had up to that point. my parents did so much in my young life to help me work through those 'quiet' years. i am forever grateful for all the time, emotions, and money that they invested in me to help me feel and act normal. but suddenly, when i read that article, i wasn't 'abnormal'. because if someone is writing about it, that means other people struggled, too.
but now it is my daughter that is struggling. and my heart is breaking for her.
as i was doing some research this week, trying to find some simple ways to help her at home, i came across a book (that i will soon own) called "Can I Tell You about Selective Mutism?"  This is an excerpt from that book that, i feel, does an excellent job describing how Eden feels when someone expects her to speak to them:
"When someone speaks to me I get very tense and panicky. You may have noticed that when people talk to me I sometimes look rather stiff and my face or my whole body seems frozen. My mum says I look like a rabbit trapped in the headlights. It's true - I feel stuck and can't move. My heart beats fast, I can't breathe easily and my throat goes tight. I can't even turn my head from side to side comfortably. They say adults can get 'panic attacks' and that's just what it feels like. You know some people can't bear to fly in a plane, or they are petrified of spiders. Well, it's a bit the same with me when I need to speak out. I have a sort of phobia about talking. I feel like there's a spotlight on me. So I try and avoid times when I might have to speak. it's such a relief to stop trying and not feel anxious."
I am not telling you all of this to put a label on my daughter. I despise labels. I'm telling you this so you can try to understand her. It's not that she doesn't want to talk to you. She's not rude. In the right situations, the last thing she would be described as is quiet! Do you know what she IS? She is fun-loving. She is witty. She is bouncy. She has a scream that would rival any teenage girl's scream. She is smart. She is opinionated. She is NORMAL.
so, right now i am doing my best to help her climb out of the shell she is living in. i am trying to balance what currently feels like two opposites - i want her to know she is ok just the way she is but i also want to bring her to a point that she can be comfortable being herself no matter where she is and who she is around.
in the meantime, please be patient with her AND me. she will come out of this, we just don't know when. and until she does, i'm going to try to prod her in the right direction, but i'm also going to support her. i'm not going to make her talk to you, but i will encourage her to find her own way to communicate with you until she feels it is ok to talk.
thank you for your acceptance. thank you for your understanding.

{heard around the house} March Edition

Welcome to the first post in what I plan to be a monthly update.... things my children say that stop me in my tracks.

• "Why do I have to do EVERYTHING" (spoken with a 13-year-old attitude) -Jada
• "Hey!" -Kate (i promise... she raised her hand to wave and said 'hey'. well, that's sure what it sounded like, anyway.)
• "Train hard! Never give up!!" -Eden
• "Go, daddy, go!!!" -Eden (as Nate floored it to pass another vehicle)
• "My ear batteries stopped working" -Jada (which explains why she's not listening)
• "I have something suitable to wear." -Jada (thank you, Cinderella, for teaching my daughter how to use 'suitable' correctly)
• "Is it Friday yet?" -Eden, sounding completely defeated (no, dear. I know it's exhausting being 5, but today is only Monday)
•  "love you!" -Kate (I'm telling you, this kid is a genius!)
• "I'm the boss of this ship" -Eden
• "lets rock and roll, sister!" -Jada

a resurrected fish.

yep. a resurrected fish... that's what i said.  and this is how it went down.....
yesterday, i had the very hard job of telling eden that in 3 weeks she will be going to the doctor for her 5 year check up and at that appointment she would be getting shots for kindergarten. (you may wonder why i chose to tell her 3 weeks in advance. because, dear friends, after 5 years i've figured out that the 'sneak attack' method doesn't work with that kid. she needs time to process this stuff.) now, i didn't expect her to jump up for joy when she received this news, but i also didn't expect the 45 minute emotional breakdown that followed. i mean, if anyone would have walked in in the middle of that conversation, they would have assumed that she had just gotten the actual shots... in fact, they may have assumed that she had been shot! it was bad. really bad.  but we worked through it. all of it. and at the end, we were all laughing. and i was exhausted.
fast forward to this afternoon. i was in the girls' room, and while i was in there i decided to look in the fish bowl to see if dot and orange had been fed. my heart sank... orange was floating at the top, caught up in the plant. i tapped the bowl. nothing. this was the moment i had been dreading since the day we brought those fish home. orange had left her earthly home. so, i did what any good mom would do.... i made sure the girls did not go into their room, because i was not about to have this conversation!!!  i waited until after dinner, then i pulled the man of the house aside. i gave him a brief synopsis of the shot conversation from the night before, since i hadn't told him yet, then i laid the big one on him... i informed him of the untimely death of our beloved fish and then told him that it was his turn. his turn to break her heart. his turn to dry the tears. his turn to teach a life lesson. i stood firm in my decision... he recognized i was not backing down, and he stepped up to the job. i hid around the corner to listen. he did such an awesome job!! i was so impressed with his explanation. he did so good that eden didn't even cry. (ok, as glad as i was that she didn't cry, i'm going to admit... i was a bit miffed. the whole point of this was that he would have to dry the tears. oh well.)  then i hear my name.
"Kari?"
"Yes."
"Which fish did you say it was??"
"Orange."  so, i walked into the room to show him where she was.
"This Orange?"
i'm not kidding, folks, as i live and breathe, that dead fish was swimming!!
"Praise Jesus," I exclaimed!! (yeah, i actually did say 'praise Jesus' about a fish... i guess i was just a bit overcome with the emotion of it all.... and the best part about that is when i said it, eden piped right up, "He saved her! Her brought her back to life!!")
there were two valuable lessons learned tonight from this fish story. the first lesson is that of the inevitable end of life. all that lives, dies. my husband taught that lesson to my daughter tonight. he did a really good job. she's still going to be sad when that fish really does die, but her daddy did a great job laying the groundwork to prepare her for that day.
the second lesson is this... listen up, moms... dad's will always catch the lucky breaks. at least that's the way i feel in this house. we help our kids deal with some real yucky stuff in their little lives. and whenever we try to stick it to our husbands so they can get a taste of what we go through, the Lord is going to intervene and bring a fish back to life. because, let's face it, men always have each others' backs. :)

katers

Kate Elizabeth - 3 months

This little booger passed her 90-day review with flying colors.... we're keeping her. FOREVER!!!
Love my Kate!

Shower time.

Eden woke up this morning at 6:30. I was getting ready for work and she came to me and calmly told me she wanted to take a shower... As if this was a normal occurrence. I told her i had already showered, so she would have to take one by herself. "That's ok, mommy. I can do it." And she did. All of it. I started the water, she got in, washed her hair, washed her body, and shut the water off. And now she wants to do this everyday.
Oh, milestones, why must you sneak up on me like this and turn my baby into a big girl??

This trail leads to an independent girl.

"Mommy, I'm hungry"
"Daddy should be home soon. We will eat dinner in about 10 minutes."
"OK"

2 minutes later, I walk out to the hallway and find....

The pantry open with a stool strategically placed.

 A chair under the bread cabinet.....

 

The ingredients for a delicious dinner....

A determined little girl.....

 

And Happiness!!

She's a big kid now...

Dear Eden,
It's finally here... the day you've been counting down to for so long. You are 5!! You left the baby-days long ago. You served your years as a toddler. You did a short stint as a little girl. But now that is all over. There is no doubt about it... you are a BIG KID now!
You have been planning for this for months.You were so excited, in fact, that a few months ago you started 'practicing' being 5 so that there wouldn't be any set-backs or pauses on the day you actually turned 5. You asked to do all kinds of "5 year old things".  You wanted to sweep the floors, make your bed, do the dishes. Even clean the toilets!!  You better believe, I was more than willing to train you up in these tasks.
I am amazed at how much you have grown and changed in the last year. The most obvious of these changes is your speech. It's like one night someone just flipped a switch in you and the next morning you woke up talking 'right'.  You can say 'S' and 'F' and 'TH'... the list goes on, but the fact is when I talk to you now, there is no question about what you are saying!
You LOVE school. There has not been one day that you haven't enjoyed school. And there has been a few days you had to stay home because you were sick or school was cancelled, and you were bummed every single one of those days. And as much as you love preschool, you can not wait for Kindergarten... just slow down and enjoy the ride, little girl!
I have also been amazed by how you have evolved socially over the past year. You are still very cautious about who you open up around, and even when you are around someone you are comfortable with it takes you awhile to open up. But you do open up now. And it's so fun to see you interact with other people the way you do with your family at home.
You have enjoyed the snow this winter. You have loved playing in the snow and, believe it or not, you have helped me enjoy winter. (something I haven't done in years!!)
You are even growing up when it comes to picking out your clothes. I have always allowed you to pick your own outfits in an effort to foster your independence. I try to guide you, but you love to do it yourself. There have been a lot of times that has been a real struggle for me because, well, you just weren't very good at it! But you are reaching the point now that you are actually somewhat concerned about if your top matches your bottom. It still doesn't all the time, but we are making progress. :) 
You welcomed another little sister under your wings when Kate was born in December. I love to see you love on her.  You make sure to hold her at least once everyday. You want to be involved with bath time and diaper changes and anything else 'mother-y'. You love to make her smile and she loves to give you smiles. Keep up the good work, big sister... you're doing great!
You still love playing with baby dolls. You also love barbies and Littlest Pet Shop. You still enjoy playing dress up. Your favorite movies are Barbie and Toy Story and anything to do with princesses.
This past fall, you got to experience your first theater performance when we went to watch Cinderella at Westview. You sat on the edge of your seat the whole time. Of course you loved the fact that it was Cinderella, but I think you also fell in love with theater. You have been to 2 other performances since then and I see many, many more in your future!  (I've said this before, and I'll say it again.... I love to see you enjoy things on stage, but I can't wait for the day that I get to watch you on stage. Because I'm certain that day will come and you will be great! --you certainly get a lot of DRAMA practice at home)
I can't wait to tackle the next year with you.... I feel like I'm growing with you, and so far I am loving this journey!!
Happy Birthday, EE! I love you,
Mommy

waiting for spring.

"Mommy, I'm digging for spring....
... I'm digging for spring, Mommy, but I can't find it anywhere...
      ... I think it might not be here yet..... we can try again later...."

Home Sweet Home

.... and now it is someone else's ...

On June 8, 2003, we purchased our first home. On January 28, 2013, we sold it. We owned that cute little house for nearly 10 years. We lived in it for 3½.
This was, obviously, not the plan. And the resulting story was a true test of patience and faithfulness. Nate and I are both firm believers that the Lord always provides and that He will not lead you into any storm that He does not plan to lead you out of. However, it is a whole lot easier to preach that lesson than it is to live it!
In September 2006, we felt a very strong calling that it was time to move back home. What started as a far-fetched dream (a dream because, really, how do you sell a house - find a new one - quit two jobs - and find two new ones 200 miles apart) turned into a reality quicker than we could have ever expected. With a couple of phone calls Nate had a job. An off-handed comment to a friend resulted in a meeting with a couple that wanted to rent and soon buy our home. One more phone call and we had a very inexpensive place to live for a few months. By November 2006 we were settled in to our new home and so grateful for all of God's provisions!
Fast forward 3 years... we have purchased a new home, we are raising 2 beautiful babies, and we have just evicted those 'fabulous' renters. I am working part-time, we now have 2 mortgages to pay, and the house that we aren't living in needs thousands of dollars of repairs before we can even entertain the idea of selling it. (for those of you who aren't following closely, this is where the faith really comes in to play!)
We did the work as we could... as we had the time to travel and the money to do repairs. Once the house reached the point that we considered it 'liveable' again, we were able to help some friends that needed a place to live while they helped us put some finishing touches on the home. We tried to sell it by owner with no success. So, we bit the bullet and listed with a realtor - prepared to take a bit of a loss.
The sign went up on October 1, 2012. There was one showing the first week it was on the market. Then nothing. And nothing. And nothing.
These months were filled with prayers. And pleas. I felt like I was leading with the faith I needed, but it was waning. Baby girl #3 was coming in December and we just couldn't afford this house AND a maternity leave. When that worry started to enter my mind, that's when my faith started to flicker. Suddenly, I went from putting all my trust in my Lord to trying to control it all. During this time. there was one song that really spoke to what I was struggling with. "Only a Mountain" by Jason Castro. So, this became my mantra.... "This is only a mountain. You don't have to find your way around it. Tell it to move, it will move. Tell it to fall, it will fall! This is only a moment, you don't have to let your fear control it. Tell it to move it will move. Tell it to fall, it will fall. Ask like you believe it,
Trust like you can see it. Take your fear and say there's nothing in your way...."  
That house was my mountain... so every day, I commanded it to 'move'... to the best of my human ability, I believed that if I asked with as much faith as I could muster, it would certainly move. But I also knew God had his own plan. So at the same time I was telling that mountain to move, I was also praying for the person/family that would someday live in my home.  The house isn't perfect, and I knew it was going to take a very specific person to be able to call that house, home.
On January 10, 2013, our realtor called just to check in. She informed me that there still had been no activity on the house since that first week. We were told, at this point, not to expect anything to happen before spring. We talked about lowering the price but decided to wait until March before trying that. And that was it.... the phone call was ended with the understanding that we would speak again in a couple months.
So, when my phone rang 5 days later, I answered with hesitancy. And the first words out of the realtor's mouth were, "Kari, don't get excited yet. But we have an offer."
The next 13 days were filled with phone calls and text messages and emails and faxes and lots and lots of emotions. We waited 6 long years for someone to be interested in our home. And then, on one day, this woman that I had been praying for looked at my house, made me an offer, looked at it again, and made a better offer. And she wanted it as soon as possible!
At the closing table, I met the woman that would make my house her home. And for the first time in 2 weeks, I felt at absolute peace.
This is not the way I would have chose to sell that house. I had my own plan... and it was no where close to the way it ended up playing out. But my plan did not include a lesson in faith and trusting that the Lord can get us through ANYTHING. And that lesson will take me further in life than my time and money will ever take me. And, for that, I am eternally grateful!

Where's that pony?

Common sense lessons from Jada...

The girls woke up this morning and instantly panicked. One of the 18,000 my little ponies that they took to bed was MISSING!!
"mommy, we can't find one of Eden's ponies. I TOLD HER TO HANG ON TO THAT LITTLE GUY!"
After hours (ok.....minutes...) of looking, the search was abandoned. We didn't know how that 'little guy' got away, but we were just going to have to wait for him to show himself.
Then Jada decided to take another look. She knew it had to be around there somewhere. Suddenly, i hear shouts of victory! The pony has been found!!
"mommy it was right here! YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK THERE!!"
"EDEN, YOU HAVE TO JUST OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK."
What would we do...where would we be...without her 3 year old wisdom??

Reading.

It all starts innocently enough. You read books to your kids for hours. And hours. And hours.
They memorize the books as you read them, and soon you get to listen to them recite the books as they 'read' them.
Then they start to make up stories to books they haven't read much by just looking at the pictures.
And then it happens.
WHAM!! What the what??! Is she reading??? Yes, i think that's what she's doing.
wow.

January 29, 2013

Today is a new day. A day filled with new hope. New opportunity. New goals. New dreams. New attitudes. Yesterday was an end. An end to our 'beginning'. Today is new. Today is my Happy New Year!

Breakfast.

This morning, between the hours of 3am-6am, i decided i was pretty weary of this whole 'mommy' gig...between the baby and the 3 year old, sleep was like a distant memory. But at breakfast this morning, i realized these days are numbered... You know, the days where you sit with a bowl of apple jacks and discuss the lifestyles of mermaids and fairies. Yeah... I'm gonna miss this someday!

Royalty.

"mommy, I AM A PRINCESS. Just thought I'd let ya know!" -Jada

6:41pm

6:41pm
The girls were told 5 minutes until bath time. They both complained that they didn't want to take a bath. Instead of arguing with them, Nate gave them an ultimatum: they still had 5 minutes, but they could choose bath time or bed time (because that's a no-brainer, right??) It was unanimous -- bed time! We exchanged glances, had a silent conversation with each other, and made the same offer, just to be sure. Same answer.
7 pm. Stories read, prayers said, lights off, girls snug as a bug.
Ahhhh.. Perfect ending to an overwhelming, exhausting day.