2 shoes, tied.

Sunday, November 24, 2013, this happened.

Another step toward independence.

just a sec.

There are words and phrases in my kids' vocabularies that I wish weren't there. Things that make me shudder when I hear them. Usually, they aren't bad things. They are just things that don't sound right when my kids say them. Most times, they have no idea what they are saying, but even so, it sometimes makes them sound disrespectful. I never like hearing them say these things, but i especially don't like hearing them when I know exactly where they heard them first.... from me.
The most recent addition to this list of "things I wish my kids wouldn't say" is "just a sec", and it is being perfected by my dear Eden.
"Eden, I have a question for you." "Just a sec!"
"Can you please come here?" "Just a sec."
"I need your help, Eden." "Just a sec."
"It's bed time." "Just a sec!"
"Please put your coat on." "Just a sec."
Everything. Everything I say to her is responded to with 'just a sec.' And I am irritated. I was really getting on her about not being so disrespectful and wanting her to listen and obey. And I can honestly say that at first I had no idea where this phrase came from, why she felt it was an acceptable response to absolutely everything that was said to her. Then it hit me.... me. I'm always busy. Always doing something else. Always in the middle of something. Always wanting to make time, but always 'just a sec-ing'.
So I've been trying really hard these past couple weeks to not use that phrase (although, who am I kidding, I'm just replacing it with other terms that mean the exact. same. thing.)
Then, tonight:

Me: "Eden, can you come here, please?"
Eden: "Just a sec!"
Me: [irritated, making mental notes about how I can work with her to stop saying that all the time]
Jada, from another room, seconds later: "Mommy, will you come here?"
Me: "Just a sec!"

Honestly? I really just wish I hadn't noticed I said it. Because it's so much easier to work on other people's issues. Grr.....

Heard around the House {October Edition}

• "What is that smell? Did an Amish girl use to take ballet?" -Eden; the wonderful aromas of farm country were filling the air outside the ballet studio.
• "Sick and tired." -Jada; her response when Eden asked her how her butterfly picture looked. 
• "Mommy, in Sunday school we are learning about Honor. That was not showing honor." -Eden; her response to the 'sick and tired' comment.

{Heard Around the House} September Edition

• "I saved the day!" -Eden; she stopped Kate from crawling off the couch.
• "There are too many great shoes to choose from!" -Eden; sitting in her closet in a puddle of tears, trying to figure out which shoes to wear. And, it starts....
• "2 plus 3 is 5!" -Jada; not quite sure where she learned this, but it made her mama proud! 
• "I want a new house. I'm tired of this one." -Jada; yes, she was talking about our real house... the one we live in.
• "Holla!!" -Kate
• "One time, when I was home with daddy, I pooped and it made a crack in my butt." -Jada; not sure if she came up with this on her own or if it's an idea that Daddy gave her...

my kids..... i love them....

Kate Elizabeth - 9 months old

Eden Elaine - 5 years

Jada Elyse - 4 years

She really is this sweet (when she's not being mischevious!)

This one is getting too old, too fast!

This face doesn't even come close to expressing how upset she was about this photo shoot!!

Best Friends Forever...

{Heard around the House} August Edition

• "Miss Wanda used to be Amish, but she's human now." -Eden
• "But you definitely don't need to tell me about the starving children!" - Eden; she was whining because she was hungry, I told her she would make it the next couple minutes until dinner was served, she came back with this. sounds like i've gotten my point across...
• "he's got skillz..." -Jada; referring to Naaman, when she was telling me what they learned in Sunday School. Thanks, Tiff! ;-)
• "Ladies and gentlemen! I'm proud to introduce... ME!!" -Jada; maybe someday she won't be so modest.

Kindergarten, Here I Come!

That smile has been plastered on her face all week. I think this kid was made for school.

the red elevator.

a few weeks ago, i was having a conversation with eden and she made a reference to something that i had no idea she knew anything about. it wasn't a big deal, really, but i just wasn't sure if someone had told her about it or if her little head just figured it out on her own.
so i asked her how she knew that...
"you told me, mommy. a long time ago."
figures. that kid's mind is like a steel trap!  she remembers everything!! so, i just mentioned that to her. i said, "eden, you remember everything, don't you?"
"yeah, mommy, i do. i remember everything you tell me. i just keep it all in my brain and then if i need to say it again, i just send my little elevator up to my brain to get it and then the elevator brings it down to my mouth. then, after i'm done with it, the elevator takes it back up to my brain!"
brilliant. i've always loved the way her mind seems to work, but now that i know about the elevator, she intrigues me even more!!
but, i couldn't just leave it at that... i needed to know how 'real' this elevator was.
"what color is your elevator, eden?"
without missing a beat:
"red."

{heard around the house} July Edition

• "Maybe Cinderella 'hey, mommy'd' too much." -Eden; when I told her I was going to put her to work if she continued to 'hey, mommy' me.
• "Neat!" -Jada; I know, it's just a word, but it sounded hilarious
• "Why does your belly look like that?" " Like what?" "Fat." -Eden; ugh. Brutal honesty. 
• "God is the boss of his plans" -Jada; yes, dear, and he is also the boss of ours!
• "Now that there is a true story!" -Eden; what??!
• "Here's my number, so call me matey." -Jada; Call Me Maybe: Pirate Edition
• "I'm really a struggling child today." -Eden; truly, nothing was going her way.

spelling bee.

I think most parents speak in code around their children when they don't want all the details of their conversation spilled to little ears.... whether that means we use secret words, speak with our eyes, or in this specific case, we spell out the key words:
So, my mom and I were talking about taking the girls to the zoo. But it's been super hot, and this mama wasn't about to take 3 little girls to the zoo in 90 degree heat. So, we decided we'd wait until that day before we decided if we would go or not. That way, if we did go it would be a surprise, if we didn't there would be no disappointment.
I was telling my hubby about these plans so he would be in-the-know, but Eden was nearby. So, I just told him my mom and I may take the girls to the Z-O-O tomorrow.
That little girl didn't miss a beat. "Z-O-O. That spells zoo!"
ugh.... secrets out.
I forget that she's learning to read. And with reading, comes spelling. Who knew??!
"Mommy, I'll tell you how I knew what that spelled. Because it's in my Kindergarten book! [gets book] See... right there... Z-O-O. They are going to the zoo. That spells zoo."

{heard around the house) June Edition

• "I'm just not fast. God just made some people that way." -Jada; she seriously is sooooo sloooowww.....
• "Can I spend the night? Because today is tomorrow." -Jada; I've heard these comments a lot recently, as she tries to figure out time relationships 
• "This is NOT making my day." -Eden; super pouty, because she didn't get the princess cup
• "Mommy, I almost called God 'Daddy'!!" -Jada; she laughed about it, she had no idea how much that 'mis-speak' swelled my heart
• "mmmmm....." -Kate; as she pulled her thumb out of her mouth and admired it. Must be tasty!
• "This IS the crazy house!" -Eden; when her daddy told her he was going to send her to the crazy house

{heard around the house} May Edition

• "Knock, knock, knock. Penny! Knock, knock, knock. Penny!" -Jada; ahhhh BBT
• "Mommy! We're helping Kate do somersaults!!" -Eden; note to self... the big girls are NOT ready to babysit. (no worries, Kate survived. And i removed her from the dangerous situation.)
• "This is the best lice treatment ever. Because we get to do it together!" -Jada; yeah, it's been a long 6 weeks around here. I'm about to burn down the house...i think that's the only way to  kill those bugs!
• "I'll huff and i'll puff and i'll blow your butt down!" -Jada; unprompted, in the middle of dinner.
• "No more monkeys humping in the bed." -Eden; I don't know what to say... She's her father's daughter??
• "I got skillz...." -Jada; because she used her hair tie to shut the light off. Serious skills.
• "Mommy, when will I be old enough to go to Haiti?" -Eden; I really can't wait to take her!
• "Thank you." -Kate; after I told her how beautiful she is.
• "Mommy, I need to go pee - I have a headache." -Jada

Baa, baa, black sheep

Baa baa black sheep,  happy any wool.
Yes, sir, yes, sir, 3 bags full.
One for my mister, one for my day, one for my little one who lives down the lane.
-Eden, 5 years old

{heard around the house} April Edition

• "Eden, can you please pause this story?" - Jada; Eden was reading to her... Jada needed to step away, but didn't want to miss anything.
• "Mommy, you can't tickle me. Only daddy can tickle me. Daddy is the best tickler in the whole wide world." -Jada 
• "No one can help us except God." -Eden; making her mama proud! 
• "You broke my heart when you made me stand in that corner." -Eden; well, sweet child, you broke my heart when you pushed your sister.
• "Oh, crap! We need money to fit in this party!!" -Jada; i really wish i had a good explanation for this one.....

understand her.

this is eden.

she is 5. she loves to sing and dance. her laugh is contagious! last month, she decided she would be a ballerina when she grows up. last week, she changed her mind - she would rather be an artist. yesterday she told me she wanted to be a nurse. today? today she thinks she will be a roller skating princess. she has big dreams and huge goals for her life. but she won't tell you about them. she won't tell you her favorite color. she won't tell you who her best friend is. in fact, she won't tell you anything.
is she shy?  well, yeah, kind of. but it's more than that. stubborn? some people think so, but no, that's not it.
for the past 3 years i've tried to pretend she was just shy. i've stood back and let people try to force her to talk (i've even joined in and done my fair share of forcing). i've done my best to contain the mama bear that wants to come out and tell people to back off my baby. it's not that she doesn't want to talk to you. she can't.
my daughter has a childhood anxiety disorder known as Selective Mutism (SM). she has not been diagnosed by a doctor (her doctor has never heard of it... he thinks she is shy and stubborn...). she has been diagnosed by her mother. me. because i used to be in her shoes. was i diagnosed by a doctor? no. but when i was in high school, i read an article about selective mutism and that 4 page magazine article changed me. as i read the words on those pages, i was reading about myself. everything that was described in that article - every sympton, emotion, stressor, etc. - was me!  i have to tell you, the words on those pages freed me in a way that nothing else ever had up to that point. my parents did so much in my young life to help me work through those 'quiet' years. i am forever grateful for all the time, emotions, and money that they invested in me to help me feel and act normal. but suddenly, when i read that article, i wasn't 'abnormal'. because if someone is writing about it, that means other people struggled, too.
but now it is my daughter that is struggling. and my heart is breaking for her.
as i was doing some research this week, trying to find some simple ways to help her at home, i came across a book (that i will soon own) called "Can I Tell You about Selective Mutism?"  This is an excerpt from that book that, i feel, does an excellent job describing how Eden feels when someone expects her to speak to them:
"When someone speaks to me I get very tense and panicky. You may have noticed that when people talk to me I sometimes look rather stiff and my face or my whole body seems frozen. My mum says I look like a rabbit trapped in the headlights. It's true - I feel stuck and can't move. My heart beats fast, I can't breathe easily and my throat goes tight. I can't even turn my head from side to side comfortably. They say adults can get 'panic attacks' and that's just what it feels like. You know some people can't bear to fly in a plane, or they are petrified of spiders. Well, it's a bit the same with me when I need to speak out. I have a sort of phobia about talking. I feel like there's a spotlight on me. So I try and avoid times when I might have to speak. it's such a relief to stop trying and not feel anxious."
I am not telling you all of this to put a label on my daughter. I despise labels. I'm telling you this so you can try to understand her. It's not that she doesn't want to talk to you. She's not rude. In the right situations, the last thing she would be described as is quiet! Do you know what she IS? She is fun-loving. She is witty. She is bouncy. She has a scream that would rival any teenage girl's scream. She is smart. She is opinionated. She is NORMAL.
so, right now i am doing my best to help her climb out of the shell she is living in. i am trying to balance what currently feels like two opposites - i want her to know she is ok just the way she is but i also want to bring her to a point that she can be comfortable being herself no matter where she is and who she is around.
in the meantime, please be patient with her AND me. she will come out of this, we just don't know when. and until she does, i'm going to try to prod her in the right direction, but i'm also going to support her. i'm not going to make her talk to you, but i will encourage her to find her own way to communicate with you until she feels it is ok to talk.
thank you for your acceptance. thank you for your understanding.

{heard around the house} March Edition

Welcome to the first post in what I plan to be a monthly update.... things my children say that stop me in my tracks.

• "Why do I have to do EVERYTHING" (spoken with a 13-year-old attitude) -Jada
• "Hey!" -Kate (i promise... she raised her hand to wave and said 'hey'. well, that's sure what it sounded like, anyway.)
• "Train hard! Never give up!!" -Eden
• "Go, daddy, go!!!" -Eden (as Nate floored it to pass another vehicle)
• "My ear batteries stopped working" -Jada (which explains why she's not listening)
• "I have something suitable to wear." -Jada (thank you, Cinderella, for teaching my daughter how to use 'suitable' correctly)
• "Is it Friday yet?" -Eden, sounding completely defeated (no, dear. I know it's exhausting being 5, but today is only Monday)
•  "love you!" -Kate (I'm telling you, this kid is a genius!)
• "I'm the boss of this ship" -Eden
• "lets rock and roll, sister!" -Jada

a resurrected fish.

yep. a resurrected fish... that's what i said.  and this is how it went down.....
yesterday, i had the very hard job of telling eden that in 3 weeks she will be going to the doctor for her 5 year check up and at that appointment she would be getting shots for kindergarten. (you may wonder why i chose to tell her 3 weeks in advance. because, dear friends, after 5 years i've figured out that the 'sneak attack' method doesn't work with that kid. she needs time to process this stuff.) now, i didn't expect her to jump up for joy when she received this news, but i also didn't expect the 45 minute emotional breakdown that followed. i mean, if anyone would have walked in in the middle of that conversation, they would have assumed that she had just gotten the actual shots... in fact, they may have assumed that she had been shot! it was bad. really bad.  but we worked through it. all of it. and at the end, we were all laughing. and i was exhausted.
fast forward to this afternoon. i was in the girls' room, and while i was in there i decided to look in the fish bowl to see if dot and orange had been fed. my heart sank... orange was floating at the top, caught up in the plant. i tapped the bowl. nothing. this was the moment i had been dreading since the day we brought those fish home. orange had left her earthly home. so, i did what any good mom would do.... i made sure the girls did not go into their room, because i was not about to have this conversation!!!  i waited until after dinner, then i pulled the man of the house aside. i gave him a brief synopsis of the shot conversation from the night before, since i hadn't told him yet, then i laid the big one on him... i informed him of the untimely death of our beloved fish and then told him that it was his turn. his turn to break her heart. his turn to dry the tears. his turn to teach a life lesson. i stood firm in my decision... he recognized i was not backing down, and he stepped up to the job. i hid around the corner to listen. he did such an awesome job!! i was so impressed with his explanation. he did so good that eden didn't even cry. (ok, as glad as i was that she didn't cry, i'm going to admit... i was a bit miffed. the whole point of this was that he would have to dry the tears. oh well.)  then i hear my name.
"Kari?"
"Yes."
"Which fish did you say it was??"
"Orange."  so, i walked into the room to show him where she was.
"This Orange?"
i'm not kidding, folks, as i live and breathe, that dead fish was swimming!!
"Praise Jesus," I exclaimed!! (yeah, i actually did say 'praise Jesus' about a fish... i guess i was just a bit overcome with the emotion of it all.... and the best part about that is when i said it, eden piped right up, "He saved her! Her brought her back to life!!")
there were two valuable lessons learned tonight from this fish story. the first lesson is that of the inevitable end of life. all that lives, dies. my husband taught that lesson to my daughter tonight. he did a really good job. she's still going to be sad when that fish really does die, but her daddy did a great job laying the groundwork to prepare her for that day.
the second lesson is this... listen up, moms... dad's will always catch the lucky breaks. at least that's the way i feel in this house. we help our kids deal with some real yucky stuff in their little lives. and whenever we try to stick it to our husbands so they can get a taste of what we go through, the Lord is going to intervene and bring a fish back to life. because, let's face it, men always have each others' backs. :)

Shower time.

Eden woke up this morning at 6:30. I was getting ready for work and she came to me and calmly told me she wanted to take a shower... As if this was a normal occurrence. I told her i had already showered, so she would have to take one by herself. "That's ok, mommy. I can do it." And she did. All of it. I started the water, she got in, washed her hair, washed her body, and shut the water off. And now she wants to do this everyday.
Oh, milestones, why must you sneak up on me like this and turn my baby into a big girl??

This trail leads to an independent girl.

"Mommy, I'm hungry"
"Daddy should be home soon. We will eat dinner in about 10 minutes."
"OK"

2 minutes later, I walk out to the hallway and find....

The pantry open with a stool strategically placed.

 A chair under the bread cabinet.....

 

The ingredients for a delicious dinner....

A determined little girl.....

 

And Happiness!!

She's a big kid now...

Dear Eden,
It's finally here... the day you've been counting down to for so long. You are 5!! You left the baby-days long ago. You served your years as a toddler. You did a short stint as a little girl. But now that is all over. There is no doubt about it... you are a BIG KID now!
You have been planning for this for months.You were so excited, in fact, that a few months ago you started 'practicing' being 5 so that there wouldn't be any set-backs or pauses on the day you actually turned 5. You asked to do all kinds of "5 year old things".  You wanted to sweep the floors, make your bed, do the dishes. Even clean the toilets!!  You better believe, I was more than willing to train you up in these tasks.
I am amazed at how much you have grown and changed in the last year. The most obvious of these changes is your speech. It's like one night someone just flipped a switch in you and the next morning you woke up talking 'right'.  You can say 'S' and 'F' and 'TH'... the list goes on, but the fact is when I talk to you now, there is no question about what you are saying!
You LOVE school. There has not been one day that you haven't enjoyed school. And there has been a few days you had to stay home because you were sick or school was cancelled, and you were bummed every single one of those days. And as much as you love preschool, you can not wait for Kindergarten... just slow down and enjoy the ride, little girl!
I have also been amazed by how you have evolved socially over the past year. You are still very cautious about who you open up around, and even when you are around someone you are comfortable with it takes you awhile to open up. But you do open up now. And it's so fun to see you interact with other people the way you do with your family at home.
You have enjoyed the snow this winter. You have loved playing in the snow and, believe it or not, you have helped me enjoy winter. (something I haven't done in years!!)
You are even growing up when it comes to picking out your clothes. I have always allowed you to pick your own outfits in an effort to foster your independence. I try to guide you, but you love to do it yourself. There have been a lot of times that has been a real struggle for me because, well, you just weren't very good at it! But you are reaching the point now that you are actually somewhat concerned about if your top matches your bottom. It still doesn't all the time, but we are making progress. :) 
You welcomed another little sister under your wings when Kate was born in December. I love to see you love on her.  You make sure to hold her at least once everyday. You want to be involved with bath time and diaper changes and anything else 'mother-y'. You love to make her smile and she loves to give you smiles. Keep up the good work, big sister... you're doing great!
You still love playing with baby dolls. You also love barbies and Littlest Pet Shop. You still enjoy playing dress up. Your favorite movies are Barbie and Toy Story and anything to do with princesses.
This past fall, you got to experience your first theater performance when we went to watch Cinderella at Westview. You sat on the edge of your seat the whole time. Of course you loved the fact that it was Cinderella, but I think you also fell in love with theater. You have been to 2 other performances since then and I see many, many more in your future!  (I've said this before, and I'll say it again.... I love to see you enjoy things on stage, but I can't wait for the day that I get to watch you on stage. Because I'm certain that day will come and you will be great! --you certainly get a lot of DRAMA practice at home)
I can't wait to tackle the next year with you.... I feel like I'm growing with you, and so far I am loving this journey!!
Happy Birthday, EE! I love you,
Mommy