September brought another big milestone for our family... it was officially Jada's turn for preschool! She was excited and I was excited for her. I was also excited for myself, because this was my my second go-round with preschool, so I wasn't nervous at all. I knew what to expect and knew there was no reason to get worked up. I was also comforted in the fact that Jada is such a confident little girl and I knew that she would walk into this with no turning back - just like Eden did. So imagine my surprise when it was time to leave and I was suddenly overcome with emotion. My little girl was going to school. For months I had been teasing her that I wasn't going to let her go to school. That I was just going to keep her home with me so I wouldn't have to miss her. So she could stay home and be my big helper. And now suddenly it was go time. And I really did just wanted to keep that little girl home with me and snuggle her for 3 hours instead of sending her out into the big scary world without me. But obviously that wasn't an option, so I put on my brave mommy face, we hopped into the truck, I snapped an adorable picture of her, and we headed out.
On the way to school, I asked her if she was excited. She told me no - she was nervous. That is NOT what I needed to hear. It took everything I had inside me to not hit the brakes, turn around, and go back home. Because I knew she was going to love it there. She just needed her scared mommy to take her there. I wanted her to know she was going to be ok, so I asked her if she wanted me to pray for her. My heart absolutely melted when she looked at me with those big, brown eyes, nodded her head, and asked me to, yes, please pray for her. As soon as I started, I wasn't sure I would be able to make it through without losing it. But I had to... I couldn't show fear to my nervous girl. We prayed, we got to school, I dropped her off. And then I lost it... I cried like a baby all the way home.
What happened to me?! Besides the fact that I made a really rookie mistake by assuming this would be easy and therefore not preparing myself emotionally, I think the big thing was that this girl does such a good job of showing her strong, independent side, that I often overlook her super sensitive, innocent side. She has such a hard outer shell, but that shell is protecting an incredibly soft, passionate, sensitive, loving heart. I love that heart of hers. She gets her heart from her dad and her shell from her mom. And it's that truth that make me love her heart so much. Her shell is the same as mine, so often that's all I see of her. But when I stop and peel back that shell to really see her heart, I fall so much more in love with her. That's what happened when I took her to school on that very first day. I listened to her sweet voice and I heard her heart and she sucked me in. And I was reminded that she wasn't a strong-willed, independent adult. She is a super fragile 4 year old just trying to protect herself. And I want to protect her, too, which is exactly why I wanted to keep her home.
But I took her to school. She got out, didn't look back, and walked right into the school. And had a fantastic day!!! And I got to hear all about it when I picked her up 3 hours later as her face displayed a smile that beamed from ear to ear.
Letting our kids grow up is so hard to do... but it is also amazingly fun!!
I'm proud of you, Jada, and I can't wait to see how much your grow and change this year!
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