and then she turned 6

Well, Eden turned 6 almost two months ago.... and apparently I never did the birthday blog??  Terrible mom, I am!

Dear Eden,

What can I say? You are such a happy kid!! You are upbeat and optimistic and giggly and smiley and so able to have fun doing absolutely anything! You have this awesome little laugh that never fails to put a smile on the face of anyone within earshot of you. And that smile of yours? It lights up a room!

So, this is obviously been a year of big changes for you because in August you started Kindergarten! As you mother, I definitely was not ready for this big step, but you couldn't wait! I wanted to walk you up to the door on the first day... you grabbed all your bags (that must have weighed at least as much as you do with all those supplies in them!) and just looked at me confidently and said, "I got this." And, of course, you did. So I just sat in the van and watched until you were safely inside. We can't ignore why I was so nervous... you didn't speak in public. This selective mutism thing has been a tough thing for me to swallow. Even though I survived it, I wasn't sure how you were going to make it through and how you were going to communicate. But you came home on the first day and told me you made a new best friend. I laughed to myself about it at the time, but 7 months later, she is still your best friend. And the best thing? It took you less than a month to start talking to her! You have made such big strides in your effort to find your brave voice. You still shut down in situations where there are a lot of people, but you are now talking to family and close friends when you are in public places - a year ago, home was your only 'safe place'.

You love to try new things, whether that is places, experiences, or food. You are starting to spread your wings and get excited to see what the world has to offer you. It is so exciting to watch you soak all this stuff in and sort it out and really decide for yourself what you love and what you enjoy.

Music still makes your heart beat. You love all kinds of music. You like to sing songs on the radio or songs you have made up your self. You asked for a guitar for Christmas and have had so much playing with that and singing along. I found out this week that you have been singing in music class at school. I can't say this surprises me... as much as you love to sing, I would have been shocked if this wasn't the first place you tested the waters of opening your mouth at school. Your music teacher was thrilled when she noticed this!

This year you did a cheerleading clinic at school and got to cheer at a donkey basketball game. We all know that I am not a huge fan of cheerleaders, but I have not (and will not for awhile) shared that opinion with you because I want you to do what you truly love. It was great to watch your confidence as you went to practice every week and even as you performed on that Saturday morning. I love that you don't put any limitations on yourself. You truly believe that you can do anything you want to do. Please don't ever lose that self-assurance!

You started a ballet class last fall and are really enjoying that. I like getting sneak peaks of your recital routine... I can't wait to see the whole thing this spring! The best part about this class is the fact that when we went to the first class just a few weeks after school started, we found out that your new-found best friend was in the same class. You have really loved this extra time with her.

For you birthday party this year, you really wanted to have all the girls in your class come over to play... we made a compromise and you got to choose two friend to go bowling with one day after school. It was a fun girls day and it was so wonderful to watch you be able to let down your guard and just talk and laugh and play with your friends. I can't wait until the day that you are so carefree in all areas of your life.

Eden, you are such a joy. I'm so blessed to be your mom. I enjoy the time I get to spend with you, I love the chats we have, and I love watching you learn and grow and change. You have a wonderful heart and I'm proud to say you are my daughter.

Let's enjoy year 7 together and see how much more you grow and change!!

Love,

Mommy

a letter to that well-meaning lady at the grocery store....

Dear sweet lady at the grocery store,
You looked at me this morning as I juggled my two youngest children, you smiled sweetly and told me this age is the most fun. I just want to apologize to you, because I could not even find enough decency inside me to acknowledge what you said... not with words or even with a smile. I think if I would have tried,  I would have just cried, so the best thing I could do was stare at you blankly then turn and walk away. Because this is the thing - I am tired. So, so stinkin' tired. I don't know if you happened to get a good look at my youngest... the little one always trying to walk away from me because she is so curious about everything around her, the one with eyes so deep and brown they will swallow you whole if you look too long, the one that looks sweeter than anybody you've ever met. Truth is, she IS the sweetest thing! There's not much NOT to love about that little booger!! But she doesn't like to sleep. And, unfortunately, she apparently doesn't need much sleep to function properly. She only takes one short nap every day, and for the last two week, she's decided that night time is a perfect time for a couple more short-ish naps. So, she's been getting by on approximately 5 hours of sleep every night... the other hours are spent screaming. SCREAMING.  Cry-it-out doesn't work in our family. Never has. 3 kids and none of them have ever cried themselves to sleep. They just cry. While I've never let them go longer than 1 hour, I can only assume it would continue, and I can't handle that. So, I have been giving in in the middle of the night and just holding her so that, if for no other reason, the rest of the family stays asleep. But last night, I was sooooo over it and I performed my own 'night-time training' with the 15 month old. Which means I slept approximately 3 hours. Which means I am emotional. And that's why you got nothing from me - to save you (and me) from the tears. And I'm sorry. Because, you know what, you are right... these are awesome ages! I can't confirm whether or not they are the best ages - I only have 6 years experience and so far each stage has honestly been the best stage ever. I love being a mom! But, I'm making an educated guess based on your appearance and assuming it's been quite awhile since you've raised your own little ones. I would even go so far as to assume that your grandkids are now raising their own children! So, I'm going to politely remind you that these 'best years' are so emotionally and physically exhausting. And I know I need to savor these moments, these days, these years. And I'm trying. But I have days like I've had the last 2 weeks and honestly sometimes it's really hard. I've had tough times before as a mom, so I know that this, too, shall pass, and even though it seems like an unending black abyss that I'm in right now, I will look back on it and it will seem like it was over in a heartbeat. It just doesn't feel that way today.
So, thanks for telling me my daughters are beautiful and fun. I'm sorry I didn't take the opportunity when I had it to thank you and agree with you. Keep encouraging moms when you see them. Just don't judge them if they don't respond how you think they should. Because you just never know where they are right now in their parenting journey, and they just might not have the energy to respond to you in a socially acceptable way!
Sincerely,
Your fellow early morning grocery shopper